Emotional Healing

Dating: Are You Love Struck?

From the time she plays with her first dolls and relishes in the romanticized love stories of television, the average girl must dream up her fairy tale life thousands, if not millions of times. Fantasies of the “perfect life” dance in her mind as she envisions a mate, beautiful home, 4-door car in the driveway, 2.5 kids, and a puppy to add to the mix. I won’t portray her as some sort of weird or dysfunctional creature because many of us have been this little girl – including me.

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God’s design for relationships makes us naturally inclined to want companionship – so there shouldn’t be any guilt for this desire (Genesis 2:23). But just as Satan perverts everything he can get his filthy hands on, he has surely tainted this very desire in an unhealthy way. And this is why some single women become “love struck” in a sense as their emotions and passions are imbalanced as it pertains to relationships. They tend to:

  • have endless relationships back to back
  • be unable to enjoy their own company
  • be infatuated with building the ultimate love life at any cost – even when their person of interest is obviously not the one for them

So how does one “tame” the natural feelings and emotions for desiring love?

Again, God created you this way and would never want you to evolve into a person who suppresses their passionate selves. However, one must redirect such energies to a more God-centered focus. God forbid that the unhealthy pursuit of love, relationships, and marriage become an idol within the heart – a place where God should reign. Let’s outline 3 ways for ensuring that such an idol be torn down or never take root to begin with:

  • Put dating on pause. What? What? Yes, and that also means serious flirting, number exchanging, long phone calls, engaging texting/messaging, and “friends with benefits” behavior. Scratch it off your agenda as you take a momentary/temporary period away from the “love game.” You will need this time to regroup emotionally and think without the noise of potential distractions. I can assure you that the time alone will be one of the most freeing things you can do for your spiritual life. It may take some time to get adjusted, but pray for more patience as you seek to embrace the process. This tip will be especially beneficial for those who have been used to being hooked up with somebody for every month and every year of their dating lives.
  • Find solace in God. Psalm 91 says it well, He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.” And when you consistently tap into the secret place, there won’t be room for the temporary satisfaction of being “swept off your feet” by love in all the wrong places. On the contrary, it’s in the secret places of being “swept off your feet” by the Most High God that will place you in a very unique position to experience refreshment, emotional healing, and an abundant overflow of joy. It’s in this place that you learn that there is no other comparable love. Over time, those who intentionally connect with God on intimate levels of prayer, praise/worship, and meditation will begin to crave His presence as their heart becomes tender to who God is truly – loving, gracious, merciful, compassionate, and all satisfying.
  • Live and don’t just exist! That’s right, it’s time to live! I facilitated a young women’s group earlier in 2017 and this was my closing advice for those who wanted to make the most of their single status. I couldn’t stress enough that being single is not about waiting on love, but about living! Get a passport. Travel to beautiful places. Take a class. Find a new hobby. Volunteer at a homeless or children’s shelter. Try a new restaurant. Learn to cook or seek to improve your skills. The list could go on but live, darling.  Be empowered by the Holy Spirit to evolve into the woman you were intended to be as you explore and become more intentional, confident, and purposeful about the life that God has granted you.

God bless you and don’t hesitate to email me at info@WomenSeekingGod.org regarding questions, concerns, or prayer requests. Further your biblical study of faith, womanhood, and relationships by viewing a video of an Online Retreat I hosted – CLICK HERE.

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*Find out more about Keturah and her life and love journey HERE.*

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Emotional Healing

Beyonce, Lemonade, & Love

REPOST (May 2016)

As a wife of ten years, issues relative to healthy marriages always get my attention. This article is not an attack, endorsement, etc. It is purely a means for wives to think about a marriage crisis through the lens of a biblical focus. There’s even more to consider in this story as Jay-Z’s latest album and supposed “confessions” just dropped. The guest blogger of this article chose to remain anonymous.

Ever since Jay-Z and Beyonce starting dating in 2003, there was a certain mystique surrounding the couple. It seemed everyone wanted to know the intimate details of their relationship. It only intensified when the celebrity couple married in 2008. But despite all curiosity surrounding them, Jay-Z and Beyonce always remained private regarding their love life. Unfortunately, Beyonce may have just cracked a door into their relationship, and skeletons are beginning to trickle out.

photo credit: cassamo.tumblr.com

photo credit: cassamo.tumblr.com

The internet has been buzzing lately with the release of Beyonce’s new album “Lemonade.” It appears everyone is looking for answers to the layers of questions that the debut video reportedly raises. Reports from every corner of media is digging and sifting through the many controversial lyrics and content of the video. To many, Beyonce’s lyrics hint of infidelity within her marriage and appears to shine a light on the emotional stages she experienced as a woman dealing with a marriage crisis in the public spotlight.

But it isn’t the public’s perception that is the issue for me; but rather the internal crisis that she may be facing along with many other women who are dealing with similar issues. This reason alone brings me to my computer.

The most intriguing part of it all is the fact that Beyonce may have been dealing with a crisis in her home while very little may have been known by others. In 2014, there was an infamous elevator fight between Jay-Z and his sister-in-law, Solange. Many speculated that the incident may have been in retaliation of Jay-Z’s infidelity. That elevator camera peered into the crisis going on in their relationship. For me, the intriguing part of the incident wasn’t what happened behind closed doors. No, not at all. The shocking part was when the doors opened. Once the doors of the elevator door opened, Beyonce was greeted with cameras and flashes while having to “look” glamorous again despite the horrific scene that occurred seconds before. She had to fix her hair, lift her chin up, and look the part.

Who knows what truly occurred or the details surrounding the Lemonade story. But it does raise an interesting point. Countless women are quietly suffering in their marriages and NOBODY knows!! Everyday women have to put on a mask for the kids, job, and family while feeling their life is falling apart. Like the elevator incident with Jay-Z and Beyonce, women are fighting in their marriage, mind, and soul. But as soon as their front doors open, it’s time to put on the face again. KeturahFord.com does not endorse Beyonce’s platform. But the truth is truth and we applaud those who attempt to follow a proper model of dealing with conflict. If this is you, there are some encouraging biblical lessons that we can walk away with amidst all the drama.

  • Remove the wedges. Jay-Z and Beyonce always kept very quiet about their home life. It wasn’t just the bad times when they put up the “STOP” sign, but in every detail of their life. This is a good principle to follow. In Gen 2:24, the bible states that man and woman should cleave to one another. Despite all the things you may be going through, it is important to trust God and his word. The call is to cleave to your husband. To cleave means to stick, hold fast, and to unite. During a crisis, it is easy for us to vent to anyone who would listen. What tends to happen when this is done? Family and friends bash, divide, and slander your husband; when in reality this is a call to “CLEAVE.” To bash your husband is putting more weight on your marriage. The call to leave your mother and father and cleave to your husband isn’t just imaginary. You are really “ONE.” The cleaving is the uniting of a real union of a God ordained institution. If you find your friends putting more of a wedge between you and your spouse, then it may be time to remove the wedge from your relationship.
  • Seek Godly counsel. It was reported that counseling between Jay-Z and Beyonce may have began in 2014 to help overcome their crisis. Whatever the case between them, obtaining counsel can do wonders for a marriage when done properly. Removing the wedge doesn’t mean removing Godly counsel. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no guidance, a people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” We, as women, don’t have difficulty expressing our frustration, but we do have difficulty finding the right person to share with. It is okay to say: “I don’t know the answer to our marriage problems.” This is the perfect time to seek godly counsel. The bible is our manual to life and all that it throws at us. But sometimes it is important to have help to sort things out, get to the root, and then yank that sucker out so it will never reveal its ugly head in your marriage again.
  • Make lemonade. When life gives lemons, make lemonade. I don’t know your story and nor do I know the level of the crisis; but I do know there is victory! Romans 8:28 states: “And we know that all things work together for the good of them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” By no means, is your marriage crisis a good thing. But if you love God and are “called”, your crisis is for your good! The lemons revealed now can be used for lemonade later. Lemonade is always better when it isn’t bitter. Lemonade always flavored with “forgiveness” is just the drink anyone needs. I know for some, this is so far away from your reality, that you can not see the possibility of reconciliation. I understand. But although this may be a distant reality, attempt to move in this direction anyway. Godly counsel will always help move marriages in crisis in this direction. Trust God and the process. May God continue to keep you as a woman pursuing a healthy and whole marriage!

Elder lemonade

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