Grief: Recent Loss & Reflections

Exactly a week ago, two policemen showed up at our door asking if they could speak to my husband.

Our day was a normal “quarantine-adjusted” day – homeschool, work at home, Zoom meetings, etc. Nothing warned us of the news that came from these officers’ mouths in a matter of seconds once they were settled in our living room – face masks in tow.

We’re sorry to inform you that Michael Ford is dead. He was found in his apartment.

I now remember it was my amplified voice that broke the silence with “What?” These guys couldn’t be serious. Michael couldn’t be gone because… we had time…

That’s the straw that broke the camel’s back in my own grief journey with my mother almost a decade ago —— TIME and the regret of feeling like I didn’t have enough of it.

Yesterday as I accompanied my husband and others in clearing out Michael’s condo, I was reminded again that time is so extremely precious.

Jason (my husband) had been estranged from Michael for quite a long time until they reconnected three years ago. It was a joy to witness their many animated phone calls and the few outings they did get to have.

Michael’s passing forced me to examine my life and relationships more closely (without guilting myself).

My own brother’s birthday was just this past Sunday, and I felt extra motivated to show him that I love him as Jordyn (my daughter) and I raided a local bakery for a chocolate cake just for his special day.

I realize that no one reaches some type of relationship “utopia” – boasting of a perfect family at each and every moment.

The Bible, from Genesis to Revelation testifies of imperfect people and imperfect families in need of a gracious God.

And although these imperfections sometimes rear their heads in the form of family secrets, prodigal sons/daughters, generational dysfunction, jealousy, trauma, etc. (in the Bible and in today’s times), I’m deeply encouraged that I can use my time wisely…

I can use my time to love my family the best way I know how. I can pray. I can support. I can make a call or send a message. I can even cry if I need to and pray some more when my “family moments” are less than ideal.

Time (as God deems) allows me to keep trying… to keep fighting for love… to give it all to God (the past and the present)… to live life without regrets…

#ImGrateful

———-

Happy #MLK … Jordyn and I have been crafting, writing, and reflecting for weeks. My goal is to not isolate #BlackHistory but incorporate it into our regular #homeschool studies.

This will continue to speak a thousand words…

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