From the time she plays with her first dolls and relishes in the romanticized love stories of television, the average girl must dream up her fairy tale life thousands, if not millions of times. Fantasies of the “perfect life” dance in her mind as she envisions a mate, beautiful home, 4-door car in the driveway, 2.5 kids, and a puppy to add to the mix. I won’t portray her as some sort of weird or dysfunctional creature because many of us have been this little girl – including me.
God’s design for relationships makes us naturally inclined to want companionship – so there shouldn’t be any guilt for this desire (Genesis 2:23). But just as Satan perverts everything he can get his filthy hands on, he has surely tainted this very desire in an unhealthy way. And this is why some single women become “love struck” in a sense as their emotions and passions are imbalanced as it pertains to relationships. They tend to:
- have endless relationships back to back
- be unable to enjoy their own company
- be infatuated with building the ultimate love life at any cost – even when their person of interest is obviously not the one for them
So how does one “tame” the natural feelings and emotions for desiring love?
Again, God created you this way and would never want you to evolve into a person who suppresses their passionate selves. However, one must redirect such energies to a more God-centered focus. God forbid that the unhealthy pursuit of love, relationships, and marriage become an idol within the heart – a place where God should reign. Let’s outline 3 ways for ensuring that such an idol be torn down or never take root to begin with:
- Put dating on pause. What? What? Yes, and that also means serious flirting, number exchanging, long phone calls, engaging texting/messaging, and “friends with benefits” behavior. Scratch it off your agenda as you take a momentary/temporary period away from the “love game.” You will need this time to regroup emotionally and think without the noise of potential distractions. I can assure you that the time alone will be one of the most freeing things you can do for your spiritual life. It may take some time to get adjusted, but pray for more patience as you seek to embrace the process. This tip will be especially beneficial for those who have been used to being hooked up with somebody for every month and every year of their dating lives.
- Find solace in God. Psalm 91 says it well, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.” And when you consistently tap into the secret place, there won’t be room for the temporary satisfaction of being “swept off your feet” by love in all the wrong places. On the contrary, it’s in the secret places of being “swept off your feet” by the Most High God that will place you in a very unique position to experience refreshment, emotional healing, and an abundant overflow of joy. It’s in this place that you learn that there is no other comparable love. Over time, those who intentionally connect with God on intimate levels of prayer, praise/worship, and meditation will begin to crave His presence as their heart becomes tender to who God is truly – loving, gracious, merciful, compassionate, and all satisfying.
- Live and don’t just exist! That’s right, it’s time to live! I facilitated a young women’s group earlier in 2017 and this was my closing advice for those who wanted to make the most of their single status. I couldn’t stress enough that being single is not about waiting on love, but about living! Get a passport. Travel to beautiful places. Take a class. Find a new hobby. Volunteer at a homeless or children’s shelter. Try a new restaurant. Learn to cook or seek to improve your skills. The list could go on but live, darling. Be empowered by the Holy Spirit to evolve into the woman you were intended to be as you explore and become more intentional, confident, and purposeful about the life that God has granted you.
God bless you and don’t hesitate to email me at info@WomenSeekingGod.org regarding questions, concerns, or prayer requests. Further your biblical study of faith, womanhood, and relationships by viewing a video of an Online Retreat I hosted – CLICK HERE.
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